Introducing Twotter: The NEW (fake) Social Media Platform

A couple of years ago, I realized I was going down an unhealthy rabbit hole with Twitter. I was checking it way too often and getting sucked into reading Twitter conversations between people who expressed views that I absolutely despised, yet somehow couldn't look away from.

I began to realize that this was affecting my mental well-being (something we should all be aware of when it comes to social media), so I deleted my app. I still post on Twitter for business, but I didn't want it to be as accessible to view.

This makes it a little harder to get to, but I do check in from time to time. Instead of using the app, I go through my browser and manually type it in to look at the news and what's trending.

The problem is that I often mistype the word "Twitter" and type "Twotter" instead.

In my mind, Twotter is actually a better word for Twitter because - let's be honest here - there is a large population of Twitter users who are Twots.

Now, this word should not be confused with the other word used to describe a portion of a woman's anatomy (which uses an "a" instead of an "o"). When I look the word "twot" up on Urban Dictionary the definition is as follows:

SERIOUSLY! Think of how many people and social media posts could be categorized as twots! Let's go through a few:

1. Posts that ask for vague and random prayers, making you wonder what the hell it's for.

2. Rants that are more appropriate for a mental health professional.

3. People who think they can change someone's mind politically by engaging in a heated online conversation with a random stranger.

4. Chrissy Teigen.

5. Writers who tweet about writing (but never actually produce anything).

6. Almost anyone who posts on NextDoor.

7. People who are rarely on social media and then get on and post memes from 10 years ago.

8. Any member of the Kardashian family (present and divorced).

9. People who check in their location everywhere from the dry cleaner to the McDonald's parking lot.

10. People who update their relationship status every two weeks when they cycle through a new one. (Also includes new selfie with new "love of life.")

The list goes on and on.

We have all had moments, especially in the last few years, where we've wished that certain people on social media could just be moved to their own island without WiFi.

But what if Twotter is the answer?

You post something annoying and you're moved to a social media platform with similarly irritating people who will pray for you at your request, argue with you about their views on not getting vaccinated, and celebrate your new soulmate every time you find one.

This is it - I feel it. My new million dollar idea. Don't worry - I'll keep you posted on EVERY STEP of progress of Twotter. I'll let you know where I am physically at all times as I work on this. Who knows? Maybe this will lead to everlasting (or at least month-long) love.

All I ask is that you pray for me. I may or may not let you know later what the prayer is for.

Look for that update on Twotter.